Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad nor happy. I'm just curious, as usual. What is marriage really? It's really a piece of legal paper. In the old days, I believe it's a tool to help the rich get richer. E.g. my daughter marry your son, so our assets grow and stay within the "family". So in an official sense, it's more for asset and human protection (kids).
And suddenly, in the Shakespeare era or something, this boy-girl relationship became romantised. And you know how the media can play on your mind. Gosh, it started even in the Shakespearean era! (think poems, love stories and what not). As time progressed, the romantisizing of a boy-girl relationship becomes a social norm (Valentine's Day, fairy tales and happily-ever-after, etc). Anything outside this social norm is deem incorrect (not true).
As I discovered more about life through experiences and people I've met, I've realized that, as with everything in life, alot of it is bullshit. E.g. when your broker recommends you a stock, it might not be a right call. Or when my mother told us that she made up some part of a bear story that she told us, becos she forgot parts of it!!
Marriage = love is NOT true. Marriage is social engineering/a mindset and faith in a belief system.
Let me explain.
Any relationship in life is fluid. It's complex and it changes. It can be nurtured, it can be destroyed. People themselves can change. No relationship in life has a social expectation to be officiated except marriage! Really! Example - have you ever seen a "best friend" certification? Maybe, the only other thing is a an employment contract in a company. So the certification/role is "employee". Of which, you can quit quite easily.
But as I mentioned earlier, human relationships are fluid and complex. People change, come and go, etc. So in a natural sense, marriage is not supposed to naturally work on its own. But don't under-estimate the power of social conditioning. The human mind can tune itself to expectations (social and individual). Example, if u believe marriage is a good thing, u will want it to work. If you think it's forever (in a human lifespan), then chances are that, it will (provided your spouse thinks the same way). For some people, they view marriage lightly; so the chances of it working, will be lower. If a society promotes bigamy, then bigamy will become a social norm. So, it will be normal to marry 2, 3 spouses.
Any relationship in life is fluid. It's complex and it changes. It can be nurtured, it can be destroyed. People themselves can change. No relationship in life has a social expectation to be officiated except marriage! Really! Example - have you ever seen a "best friend" certification? Maybe, the only other thing is a an employment contract in a company. So the certification/role is "employee". Of which, you can quit quite easily.
But as I mentioned earlier, human relationships are fluid and complex. People change, come and go, etc. So in a natural sense, marriage is not supposed to naturally work on its own. But don't under-estimate the power of social conditioning. The human mind can tune itself to expectations (social and individual). Example, if u believe marriage is a good thing, u will want it to work. If you think it's forever (in a human lifespan), then chances are that, it will (provided your spouse thinks the same way). For some people, they view marriage lightly; so the chances of it working, will be lower. If a society promotes bigamy, then bigamy will become a social norm. So, it will be normal to marry 2, 3 spouses.
So what makes a marriage work? Or not work? I have seen successful and unsuccesful marriages and after much analysis, I have come to a conclusion. Most of the same rules apply as to why you and your best friends, are best friends. Effort, patience, acceptance of each other as a package (faults and all) and tenacity to see the relationship through bad times. But a marriage is more difficult, because of these additional requirements (vs friends):
- same time (both like each other at the same time and want to be married)
- same things (kids, geographical location, etc)
- same moralistic belief system (honesty, trust, view on monogamy, bigamy, etc)
You don't know if this relationship with your spouse will work; whether you or he/she will change, or be around, etc. Life itself is transient. So really, this spousal relationship will only last like what? 5 years, 20 years, 40 years? You do realize that you WILL lose this person at some point. So take it easy and enjoy the ride. Hopefully, it's fun.
- same time (both like each other at the same time and want to be married)
- same things (kids, geographical location, etc)
- same moralistic belief system (honesty, trust, view on monogamy, bigamy, etc)
You don't know if this relationship with your spouse will work; whether you or he/she will change, or be around, etc. Life itself is transient. So really, this spousal relationship will only last like what? 5 years, 20 years, 40 years? You do realize that you WILL lose this person at some point. So take it easy and enjoy the ride. Hopefully, it's fun.
I think more people should be educated in this aspect. This is definitely more realistic than Cinderella glass slippers, Prince Charming and other nonsense. These stories are nice, I enjoyed it but like a nice song or a religion, not all applies to me! I think all governments should make it compulsory for couples to attend pre-marriage counselling before they get married.
I think people should marry one of their best friends. Love...no, but someone you have a really soft spot for and erm, enjoy additional benefits. Haha.
I think people should marry one of their best friends. Love...no, but someone you have a really soft spot for and erm, enjoy additional benefits. Haha.
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